Looney Toons

Its been months since the last post here and there was a time in the past year that I even forgot we had a blog. Having two kids can do that to you... give you amnesia. The things that seemed so important in the past, you dont even remember anymore. That goes the same with people. People you spent almost everyday with and yet now you don't talk to anymore. Last night i found out that an old friend of mine is still angry at me for something (i never knew the real reason) that happened around 5-6yrs ago. Last night I just found out about the reason.. WOW, talk about things happening without my even knowing about them. How i wish that people would just let go of the past. Altho, admittedly there was a time in my life where I was self destructing and destroyed friendships along the way and for that I am sorry. At the same time I was also high and mighty and felt the need to 'correct' people's grey view of reality to what is true and black and white. Now i realized that who cares if they want to be looney, who has the time to make them snap out of their looney dreams and looney realities.

So to all my looney ex friends out there, I sincerely wish you nothing but what you deserve.

Fortune Cookies

During our last dinner together in Boston, we ate at a chinese resto. He was leaving the following day and would be going back to Manila. Our conversation that night went from talking about our favorite moments touring the city to talking about our engagement; it was mostly the latter. We talked about how difficult things will be and that we must move forward if we really want this to work out.

At the end of our meal we were given two fortune cookies:

Mine: "A dream you have will come true."
His: "Do not give up; the beginning is always the hardest."

It seemed to us that the two were connected to each other and to our situation; we thought it was a cool coincidence. I still have those little strips of paper.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast -- Alexander Pope.

Playlists

When putting together a playlist, I like to think about what purpose it serves or what mood it describes. This is aside from putting up lists by Artist/ Band. I think music has different functions: it can be background noise while you're working/ driving, a mood elevator/ downer... quick beats also get me through running sometimes. It feels natural for me to put my music together according to function or emotion. I guess it's kind of similar to Barney's "Psyched!" playlist (remember that one?? as in the one with "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU'RE TO BLAME...") A peek into my iPod shows playlists entitled dreamland, play out loud, ready steady, etc.

A couple of examples:

Uppers
- Welcome to the Jungle -- Guns N Roses
- Clocks -- Coldplay
- City of Blinding Lights -- U2

Suicidal
- Details in the Fabric -- Jason Mraz
- Lost -- Coldplay
- Hold On -- Sarah Mclachlan

Comfort
- Ocean Drive -- Lighthouse Family
- By Your Side -- Sade
- Breathe -- Michelle Branch

Steady
- Heartbeats -- Jose Gonzales
- Any Lucky Penny -- Nikki Hassman
- All I Want -- Toad the Wet Sprocket

Running
- Feel it in My Bones -- Tiesto (w/ Tegan and Sara)
- Stronger -- Kanye West
- When Love Takes Over -- David Guetta (w/ Kelly Rowland)

Gratefulness

Everyone goes through a time in their lives when they think its the hardest thing they've ever been put thru. When they think that nothing could be worse and that the world is on their shoulders. We go thru all that when we leave childhood and enter the world of lost innocence. Being very O.A. and overly dramatic as a teenager I have actually gone through that feeling numerous times in my short life of almost 30years. Now that I am a mother I realize how trivial and funny most of my dramas were back then. As we grow older the things we thought were so important become a mere memory and sometimes we even forget about it after that same year. I remember worrying so much about being cool, getting better grades, boys and clothes. Today as I finished reading a Love letter from a dad to his son who recently passed away I want to kick myself for still being so very trivial in my everyday life. I am no longer overly dramatic, I am no longer overly sentimental and I am no longer overly emotional. I actually don't care anymore about alot of things and I now just sit there and hide in my cave watching the world inside TV unfolds. How I wish I only changed the 1st of the 3. We should show the people we love them while we still can. The son who passed away was a friend, though not a close one to me, he was closer to my husband and like a brother to my brother in law. The 1st night of the wake I thought my heart would give up on me as I heard the father cry and wail and moan the whole hour of the mass. I have never seen a father so heartbroken my entire life. I have never seen a father cry so openly and with so much abandon. To this day his cry haunts me. To this day I cry when I think of him.

We've heard all the writers and poets say to seize the day, to live each day as if it were your last. We always forget to do that, I always forget. I focus on the negative and I fill my days with useless things. So, today I just wanted to take the time to say that... I am grateful to be alive. I am very very grateful to have a husband who is kind and patient. I am still amazed at how lucky I am every time I see my child. I am blessed to have friends who are always there for me even when they aren't around all the time. I have a family who I can count on anytime of the day about anything in the world. I have more than I need and I really shouldn't ask for more.

Thank you God for each day you give to me and thank you for all the things mentioned above.

Picture!!

M, you lose! :D hihihi see you tom night!

STUCK

Can you imagine walking into a tree of ants while being covered with honey? Or getting you head stuck in a jar filled with cockroaches? That is how i sometimes feel when i am with this certain group of people. I feel like i'm stuck and there's no way out. i don't feel this way because I want to, I feel this way for a number of reasons... for example this situation happened and is constantly happening to me when i see them:

I used to smoke. I stopped bec i am pregnant. I didnt want to tell them the truth so i said i stopped bec i have bronchitis, wc is also true. This 1 person, let us name him/her "Car", says to me "Why quit just because you have bronchitis? Uminom ka nlng ng anti biotics! okay na yan!" I am almost 30yrs old. I am rude when i think i can get away with it, i am mean whenever i feel like it and i am neither friendly nor am i accommodating... my point is, I am not the type of person who succumbs to peer pressure, not when i was 25 and most definitely not at 30. Every time i see Car she nags me about smoking, i really do not understand why. I am irritated to the point that anytime she speaks i just ignore her, i pretend not to hear her and yet she still doesnt get it.

Next example: lets us name the girl Cliff

i hate talking politics with dumb ppl so tahimik lng ako. then she asks me why i was wearing a noynoy watch, sabi ko kasi noynoy ako. (duh) she said, villar ka dapat. sabi ko, ayoko sa knya. once a businesman always a businesman. she said si noynoy mayabang! super ! buong pamilya nya sobrang yabang. mga anak ni villar super duper bait. me: uhmmmmm (in my head: wtf?! ) sabi ko i really dont think mayabang silang lahat kasi kilala namin iba sa knila. she says "kilala din ni rex sila and lahat sila super yabang tlaga bkt ka boboto ng mayabang?" sabi ko "well, always naman may maninira sa kanila"she says.."di yan sira kasi totoo" sabi ko "sira yan kasi nagsasbai ka ng bad abt him" she says indi nga sira kasi totoo. sabi ng isa "indi chismis pero sira pa din" sabi ko yun, sakto, di ko sinasabing chismis. sinasabi ko naninira ka sabi nya yun kay villar and c5 di yun sira kasi totoo naman. sabi ko, sira pa din. sabi nya "fine whatever"

Upon analysis of the conversation, I realized that this is what it feels like to be stuck in an elevator with flying cockroaches chasing you in the dark. I regret not saying alot of things as a reply to her idiocy, I do. But I regret more that she always sits at the table where I sit. I am so sad to have to be surrounded by people I barely like. That the rare moments I do go out, I have to be with people who always forget their brains in the car or at home. Life is short, I shouldn't have to be tortured this way anymore!

where to go...

http://www.universalorlando.com/harrypotter/