Looney Toons

Its been months since the last post here and there was a time in the past year that I even forgot we had a blog. Having two kids can do that to you... give you amnesia. The things that seemed so important in the past, you dont even remember anymore. That goes the same with people. People you spent almost everyday with and yet now you don't talk to anymore. Last night i found out that an old friend of mine is still angry at me for something (i never knew the real reason) that happened around 5-6yrs ago. Last night I just found out about the reason.. WOW, talk about things happening without my even knowing about them. How i wish that people would just let go of the past. Altho, admittedly there was a time in my life where I was self destructing and destroyed friendships along the way and for that I am sorry. At the same time I was also high and mighty and felt the need to 'correct' people's grey view of reality to what is true and black and white. Now i realized that who cares if they want to be looney, who has the time to make them snap out of their looney dreams and looney realities.

So to all my looney ex friends out there, I sincerely wish you nothing but what you deserve.

Fortune Cookies

During our last dinner together in Boston, we ate at a chinese resto. He was leaving the following day and would be going back to Manila. Our conversation that night went from talking about our favorite moments touring the city to talking about our engagement; it was mostly the latter. We talked about how difficult things will be and that we must move forward if we really want this to work out.

At the end of our meal we were given two fortune cookies:

Mine: "A dream you have will come true."
His: "Do not give up; the beginning is always the hardest."

It seemed to us that the two were connected to each other and to our situation; we thought it was a cool coincidence. I still have those little strips of paper.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast -- Alexander Pope.

Playlists

When putting together a playlist, I like to think about what purpose it serves or what mood it describes. This is aside from putting up lists by Artist/ Band. I think music has different functions: it can be background noise while you're working/ driving, a mood elevator/ downer... quick beats also get me through running sometimes. It feels natural for me to put my music together according to function or emotion. I guess it's kind of similar to Barney's "Psyched!" playlist (remember that one?? as in the one with "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU'RE TO BLAME...") A peek into my iPod shows playlists entitled dreamland, play out loud, ready steady, etc.

A couple of examples:

Uppers
- Welcome to the Jungle -- Guns N Roses
- Clocks -- Coldplay
- City of Blinding Lights -- U2

Suicidal
- Details in the Fabric -- Jason Mraz
- Lost -- Coldplay
- Hold On -- Sarah Mclachlan

Comfort
- Ocean Drive -- Lighthouse Family
- By Your Side -- Sade
- Breathe -- Michelle Branch

Steady
- Heartbeats -- Jose Gonzales
- Any Lucky Penny -- Nikki Hassman
- All I Want -- Toad the Wet Sprocket

Running
- Feel it in My Bones -- Tiesto (w/ Tegan and Sara)
- Stronger -- Kanye West
- When Love Takes Over -- David Guetta (w/ Kelly Rowland)

Gratefulness

Everyone goes through a time in their lives when they think its the hardest thing they've ever been put thru. When they think that nothing could be worse and that the world is on their shoulders. We go thru all that when we leave childhood and enter the world of lost innocence. Being very O.A. and overly dramatic as a teenager I have actually gone through that feeling numerous times in my short life of almost 30years. Now that I am a mother I realize how trivial and funny most of my dramas were back then. As we grow older the things we thought were so important become a mere memory and sometimes we even forget about it after that same year. I remember worrying so much about being cool, getting better grades, boys and clothes. Today as I finished reading a Love letter from a dad to his son who recently passed away I want to kick myself for still being so very trivial in my everyday life. I am no longer overly dramatic, I am no longer overly sentimental and I am no longer overly emotional. I actually don't care anymore about alot of things and I now just sit there and hide in my cave watching the world inside TV unfolds. How I wish I only changed the 1st of the 3. We should show the people we love them while we still can. The son who passed away was a friend, though not a close one to me, he was closer to my husband and like a brother to my brother in law. The 1st night of the wake I thought my heart would give up on me as I heard the father cry and wail and moan the whole hour of the mass. I have never seen a father so heartbroken my entire life. I have never seen a father cry so openly and with so much abandon. To this day his cry haunts me. To this day I cry when I think of him.

We've heard all the writers and poets say to seize the day, to live each day as if it were your last. We always forget to do that, I always forget. I focus on the negative and I fill my days with useless things. So, today I just wanted to take the time to say that... I am grateful to be alive. I am very very grateful to have a husband who is kind and patient. I am still amazed at how lucky I am every time I see my child. I am blessed to have friends who are always there for me even when they aren't around all the time. I have a family who I can count on anytime of the day about anything in the world. I have more than I need and I really shouldn't ask for more.

Thank you God for each day you give to me and thank you for all the things mentioned above.

Picture!!

M, you lose! :D hihihi see you tom night!

STUCK

Can you imagine walking into a tree of ants while being covered with honey? Or getting you head stuck in a jar filled with cockroaches? That is how i sometimes feel when i am with this certain group of people. I feel like i'm stuck and there's no way out. i don't feel this way because I want to, I feel this way for a number of reasons... for example this situation happened and is constantly happening to me when i see them:

I used to smoke. I stopped bec i am pregnant. I didnt want to tell them the truth so i said i stopped bec i have bronchitis, wc is also true. This 1 person, let us name him/her "Car", says to me "Why quit just because you have bronchitis? Uminom ka nlng ng anti biotics! okay na yan!" I am almost 30yrs old. I am rude when i think i can get away with it, i am mean whenever i feel like it and i am neither friendly nor am i accommodating... my point is, I am not the type of person who succumbs to peer pressure, not when i was 25 and most definitely not at 30. Every time i see Car she nags me about smoking, i really do not understand why. I am irritated to the point that anytime she speaks i just ignore her, i pretend not to hear her and yet she still doesnt get it.

Next example: lets us name the girl Cliff

i hate talking politics with dumb ppl so tahimik lng ako. then she asks me why i was wearing a noynoy watch, sabi ko kasi noynoy ako. (duh) she said, villar ka dapat. sabi ko, ayoko sa knya. once a businesman always a businesman. she said si noynoy mayabang! super ! buong pamilya nya sobrang yabang. mga anak ni villar super duper bait. me: uhmmmmm (in my head: wtf?! ) sabi ko i really dont think mayabang silang lahat kasi kilala namin iba sa knila. she says "kilala din ni rex sila and lahat sila super yabang tlaga bkt ka boboto ng mayabang?" sabi ko "well, always naman may maninira sa kanila"she says.."di yan sira kasi totoo" sabi ko "sira yan kasi nagsasbai ka ng bad abt him" she says indi nga sira kasi totoo. sabi ng isa "indi chismis pero sira pa din" sabi ko yun, sakto, di ko sinasabing chismis. sinasabi ko naninira ka sabi nya yun kay villar and c5 di yun sira kasi totoo naman. sabi ko, sira pa din. sabi nya "fine whatever"

Upon analysis of the conversation, I realized that this is what it feels like to be stuck in an elevator with flying cockroaches chasing you in the dark. I regret not saying alot of things as a reply to her idiocy, I do. But I regret more that she always sits at the table where I sit. I am so sad to have to be surrounded by people I barely like. That the rare moments I do go out, I have to be with people who always forget their brains in the car or at home. Life is short, I shouldn't have to be tortured this way anymore!

where to go...

http://www.universalorlando.com/harrypotter/

Others...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyTy9ns894M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ol6vr5_CY1o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwM1RfbRswc&feature=related

We Are The World

I am a huge fan of collaborations and here's the newest one... :) Enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/user/wearetheworld

Chocolate

Be still my broken heart... For all of us chocolate and dessert lovers, this is living proof that God loves us.

http://www.lamaisonduchocolat.com/en/#/creations/gateaux/4

If I dont get to go to Europe this year, i promise i will go to Hong Kong and eat my to my heart's desire!

The Best Things In Life Are From Paree

As i sit in self pity here this afternoon, staring at my seagreen box of empty snobbish macaroons from Laduree i realize that the best things in life truly are from Paree. Let me name a few...

La Maison Du Chocolat

Laduree

Les Miserables (located in paris)

Foie Gras

I want to stomp my feet and shout "I WANT TO GO! I WANT TO GO! I WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!" But i cant, so i just sit here feeling annoyed staring at my empty seagreen box of wonderfully delicious macaroons. yummmm *sigh*

Oh Escargot, Its You I Want To Know

London, I Miss You So

as i have said, im stuck at home. Literally plastered on the bed and only getting up to go to the bathroom. I have nothing else to do but watch tv shows. I have been watching The Tudors with great anticipation. Loving the script and the scenery, i kept looking at the background thinking i would see all that in a few wks. 7 to be exact. Now, i cant watch in enjoyment anymore because i wont be seeing any of it. I am now reminded of what i will be missing, yet again.

Bitterness is the taste that stays in my mouth and its not just because i keep vomiting.

Waiting in Vain (7 days to go)

I have been stuck in bed for 4 days. I have only gotten up to go to the bathroom. I haven't seen the inside of my ref since Monday. I have been waiting for thursday next wk, 7 days from now, so that i can take another ultrasound and find out once and for all how the baby is. I am still spotting and i haven't been sleeping well. Today I woke up at 6am just like yesterday. Today i decided to not fight it and just go online and distract myself rather than hopelessly trying to fall asleep. The other days i slept the whole day and now i can't seem to get myself to rest. I am getting more and more impatient but also resigned. My emotions go from hot to cold. Im glad im on bed rest because i have been so cranky that its good i cannot be unleashed to other humans. Yesterday was not a good day, yesterday i found out that my plane ticket to europe had to be paid for or else my reservation was going to be cancelled. because of the fact that everything is so unsure we opted not to pay for it. So the trip is postponed indefinitely.

Today i am feeling positive. I think everything's going to be fine. I hope that i am not just fooling myself. I hope that the baby is fine and that he's slowly forming into an embryo and is sleeping soundly in my womb. I read online that at an early stage the embryo cannot be seen in an ultrasound. I think and hope that thats what happened to me. I am still pissed off at the doctors in Cardinal for making me worry so much. They kept talking above me and saying that there's no embryo. Why didnt they just explain that sometimes if its too early there really wont be one yet. Stupid doctors. I want to slam their faces on the machine. Yes, this is what i would call a good day. I actually went for days thinking that it could be an ectopic pregnancy until i read online that if it were an ectopic pregnancy the whole sac (the place where the baby lives) wouldnt be seen in the womb. But i saw it. I saw the gestational sac and the yolk sac, just no embryo. I felt like suchan idiot and i blame it on them. The 2 doctors there. No more ultrasounds in cardinal. They dont even let u have someone in with you. Next wk im going to medical city.

Just to explain, when pregnant, a gestational sac forms and that is the home of the fetus, Beside the fetus would be the yolk sac wc is its food. The fetus is 1st called an embryo bec it is still forming its brain, it will then be called a fetus when it forms its heart. This usually can be seen at around 6-8 wks. Next wk will be my 7th wk. Lets all cross our fingers and toes.

Whats Done is DONE.

Restaurant City is not the first game I played in Facebook. It wasn't the 1st one i got obsessed with. I used to play Farmtown to entertain me while i was pumping thru the wee hours of the night and then 4 hours later. It was time consuming and endless. I liked it. Until I met my restaurant. Son't knock it til you've tried it. I thought i wouldn't like it. Around 4-5months later, I actually finished the dishes. It started out at around 70 dishes with 3 ingredients each and then they kept adding and adding with 4 ingredients per dish. I was once almost done with just 1 dessert left until they bombarded me with 6 new ones and i had to once again accumulate new ingredients.

As of today they have a hundred and nine dishes. I am finished with all of them. :) I am so happy i am finally done but sad at the same time because i no longer know what to do with my time. Maybe They'll come out with a new dish soon :)

CONGRATS TO ME!

The Pinakamaraming Pictures with Showbiz Game

1. Deadline is on the last day of every quarter - March 31, June 30, September 30, December 31. All entries must be emailed on said dates.

2. A local showbiz personality equals one point, an international showbiz personality equals two points.

3. The loser will treat the winner to lunch or dinner in the latter's choice of restaurant.

4. Politicians and athletes are only counted/considered if they have or had showbiz careers.

5. TV personalities (ie. hosts, newscasters) are considered showbiz.

6. In the event of disagreements on whether a personality is showbiz or not, special judge Peanat will be called to decide.

Let the games begin!!!

Round Two

I believe that goodness is always passed on. That an act of kindness multiplies and bears fruit. I've finally decided to start round 2 of the 29 day giving challenge, with the hope that it reaches the survivors of the Haiti earthquake. Even with all the information we have, it still seems unreal. How can one third of a population just die? I remember feeling so sorry for our country after the typhoon last year. I can't imagine how helpless they must feel.

The Dress

Here, my friends, is the dress I was talking about lastnight. The dress made for people born with perfect figures. I'm sure you've seen it somewhere, in some magazine or award show.

If I wake up one day with the body of Heidi Klum, I swear never to take the dress off. I will wear it to all parties and weddings, to my dentist, while doing my groceries, running around the village and even while watching TV. I will work and work just to afford its one thousand dollar price tag.

This I will reserve just for the office.

No more tears

So I spoke to my mother earlier. She was on her computer playing her games and we started talking about our family friend who got married last year. She showed me pictures of the wedding and their reception. We talk some more and I brought up the topic of Jong.

She asked me if we were still going out and I said yes. She starts shaking her head (while still playing the computer game ah). Bits and pieces of our dialogue is written below-- not necessarily verbatim yung ibang parts and not necessarily in order. Take note, there was no yelling at any point and no tears either.

Mom: Why are you still going out with him?
Nat: Because... things are good between us. We're happy together.
(Mom shakes her head again.)
Mom: He is an asshole... he's so full of himself.
Nat: HE IS NOT.
Mom: He is the type of person who feels na when he's right, he has to show that he is right even when it is not appropriate. That he can do what he wants because he feels that he is right. He is just very good at making ligaw. He treats you like a queen and makes you feel so special. And I'm scared of guys like that.
I just don't know why you cannot see it. Lao can see it. Besides your friends don't like him.
Nat: Eh?
Mom: I've been praying about this. I said, I'm tired and I don't want to fight anymore. I prayed for a sign na if he's a good guy then I will be ok na.

That evening while they were in UCC, my best friend came up to them to say hello. They talked at length and after that conversation, the conclusion was-- Her friends don't like him. Thus she feels that this is her sign.

We talked some more but medyo paikot-ikot lang.

Nat: It is so unfair that you are basing your whole opinion of him on that one incident (ie the night he dared to text my mother while pinapagalitan nila ako.. I think it was Dec 2007.)
Mom: Yes. Why not? What else do I have to base it on?
In the end...
Nat: So, where does this leave us?
Mom: I don't know.

To be continued. Kasi di pa talaga tapos yung "talk" namin. I had to stop na kasi sobrang naiinis na ako and it was also going nowhere. I try not to use the word hate arbitrarily because I think it should has a certain weight to it. So believe me when I say that...
I hate it that she thinks she is right and does not even want to THINK about the possibility that I MAY BE RIGHT TOO.
I hate it that she thinks I am being stupid about this.
I hate it that that she has made up her mind and that she thinks the WORST of Jong.
I hate it that she thinks she is right because one of my people agreed/ agrees with her.
I hate it that nothing changes.
I hate it that it still hurts to have this conversation everytime.

I swear, if it weren't three in the morning, I would throw a fit in my room. Actually, I would throw anything. Sigh. I'm hoping that my dreams are of more pleasant things.

Jan 8 2010
I was supposed to tell my mom that Jong and I wanted to settle down na... But I didn't.
She said the more she thinks about it, the more he seems like a manipulator... and I don't even know that I am being manipulated daw. I said, That is based on what you see. On that one night. Don't you consider what I see? Don't you wonder why I decided to stay with him for eight years despite our fighting? 8 years din yon ah. Doesn't that mean that there's something there-- that makes me want to be with him? I also said, The fact that you see him as a manipulator tells me that you think I am being stupid. (She said, no no... and I said, oo kaya!).
Later on she said to me: "If you choose to marry a Filipino, as long as it is anyone but him, I will be amenable. That is how much I HATE him."

I cannot do this anymore. Right now at this moment, iniisip ko na I can't live here anymore. I do not want to be here. I should just get married and go away.

Lessons from 29 days of Gift Giving

It definitely wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. There were days that it felt good to give and there were days when it didn't do anything to help my mood. I did miss some days, and I noticed that this happened when I was in an especially bad disposition. When i become too involved with my own situation, then I forget to give.

This little experiment taught me to go beyond myself and my own world. I realized how little it takes to make a difference in someone else's life. I now know that when you give more of yourself, the world becomes more receptive and giving to you.

I decided to take a few days off just to give myself a break before starting cycle 2. This time, I would like to go beyond family and friends. I'm so excited!