Dismayed

Sometimes, a great idea comes to me - like throwing a Christmas Party for our help, or giving away Christmas packages filled with my favorite things to our drivers. These great ideas never get to see the light of day because right in the middle of planning it all, I see things which (for lack of an english word) nakakawala ng gana. Really. 

Wouldn't you feel the same way when you happen to catch your maid throwing away excess cooked rice. Or seeing your basement garage transformed into a shanty, with cigarette butts on the floor and bastos posters on the wall. Or finding plastic bottles on the trash can when you've asked them a hundred times to place them in the recycling bin. I wonder what else happens behind my back. Really. 

I know there are worse things, but you have to understand that even I cannot take leaving food on my plate. They must know how many hours I spend cleaning out my room and cabinets. They must have seen me pick out the bottles they thrown in the trash. Is it too much to ask to be a little more responsible? Would it hurt them to actually care about the kind of work they are doing? Really.

I still am grateful, but it's hard to translate these feelings of gratitude to action when you're constantly hit by indifference.